And so it was, that I found myself in PetCo, shopping for litter to put in Archer's litterbox. I had been using something made from recycled newspapers crushed into pellets, adorably marketed under the name, "Yesterday's News."
It should have been called, "Hahaha FUCK YOU! I Will disintegrate at the slightest drop of moisture and will magically transform into disgusting GLOOP that you'll have to scrape out of the bottom of the box with a chisel!!"
So, naturally, I was like, "Hell no, I'm not buying THAT again."
My options, for ferrets, are: silica crystal litter, pine pellet litter, and fiber puff litter.
Considering that the only thing I know about silica is that it comes in new shoes as little packets that say stuff like FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO NOT EAT THIS YOU WILL FREAKING DIE, and the fact that I really don't know WHAT a fiber puff is other than it's a really ugly maroon color, I opted for the 'pine pellet' litter.
The tiny pine pellets are made from super compressed saw dust.
It's about six bucks for a ten pound bag.
And it smells like pine wood!
The real question would be if Archer would use it to do his business.
Had he grown too accustomed to Yesterdays News?
Would he be revolted at the pine scent?
Did he have something against environmentally friendly products?
I bought a bag and returned home, curious to see how he'd react to it.
THE MOMENT OF TRUTH...
At first, he was weary of it.
After he casually stepped into the pan, I was beaming.
But then, an entirely unforeseen reaction took place.
He was absolutely OBSESSED.
He rolled it.
He jumped in it.
He tried to eat it.
He dug in it.
He threw it all over his cage and my floor.
He did everything....but poo in it.
To him, this was a grand gift from the heavens. A new toy, sleeping area, lounge area... a source of entertainment.
Not a bathroom.
And so, I'm going to have to buy
the dreaded Yesterday's Goddamned Disintegrating News